You pick a package.
Put your marketing budget somewhere your competitors haven’t thought to look. For good reason.
THE CREATOR ECONOMY HAS GONE TOO FAR. WE WENT A LITTLE FURTHER. ✳
INTIMATE MOMENTS. CORPORATE PARTNERS.
Small audience.
Huge impact.
I’ll scream your startup’s name when I orgasm with my wife.
Other founders sell space on their race-day bodies.
I’m opening up a more emotionally resonant channel.
Sponsor the moment yes, you read that right. ↗
Limited inventory. For several reasons.
THE NEW FRONTIER OF WORD-OF-MOUTHFIG. 001 ↘
100%ORGANIC
REACH*
REACH*
One bedroom. Zero ad blockers.*painfully organic.
PREMIUM IN-BEDDED ADVERTISING
LESS REACH. MORE FEELING.NO BOTS. JUST CHEMISTRY.EXTREMELY DIRECT MARKETING.BOOTSTRAPPED. MOSTLY.
THE MEDIA KIT ↘Small sample. Strong feelings.
1person
Total addressable market
My wife. A tough demographic.100%
Unskippable placement
There is no “skip ad” button.0bots
Entirely human traffic
We are not bringing AI into this.01 / A VERY PERSONAL BRAND
Everyone’s selling
their attention.
I’m selling the peak.
01
02
I learn your startup’s name.
Not your pitch deck. Not your mission. Just the name. Please don’t make it “Synergistically”.
03
Your brand has a moment.
A truly native integration. No algorithm. No middleman. Just an incredibly awkward brand association.
“
I miss when you just
had a newsletter.— MY WIFE, IN THE FICTIONAL PITCH DECK
Stakeholder feedback
has been noted.
♡
has been noted.
♡
02 / PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS
Choose your
level of exposure.
One-time placements. No subscriptions.
I cannot commit to that kind of frequency.
FOR THE BOOTSTRAPPERS
The Soft Launch
€69/ moment
One name. One unforgettable placement.
- Your startup name, said with feeling
- One extremely qualified listener
- Verbal delivery. No tracking pixel.
THE SWEET SPOT
OUR MOST INTIMATE INTEGRATION
The Big O
€169/ moment
Premium volume. Maximum brand recall.
- Your startup name, enthusiastically
- Up to 3 syllables of market domination
- An imaginary post-campaign report
FOR VENTURE-BACKED ROMANTICS
The Unicorn
€469/ moment
Own the moment. Emotionally, at least.
- Name + a very short tagline
- Category exclusivity for the evening
- A fictional certificate of peak performance
All packages are fictional. Your accountant can relax. No real payments. No actual bookings.
03 / DUE DILIGENCE
Fair
questions.
We’ve also asked ourselves
some of these.
Wait. What exactly am I sponsoring?+
The most questionable ad placement of the creator economy. In this fictional business, I say your startup’s name at a very personal milestone. In this actual website, you get a pretend receipt and a reason to reconsider your marketing budget.
Is your wife on board?+
In the fictional org chart, she is Chief Veto Officer. Every campaign requires unanimous stakeholder approval. In real life, this page makes no claims about anyone’s participation.
Can I see the campaign footage?+
Absolutely not. This is an audio-first, camera-never, please-don’t-ask-again media company. Even our fictional business has boundaries.
What if my startup has a complicated name?+
Three syllables is the sweet spot. “EnterpriseWorkflowOrchestration.ai” will be referred to procurement, where all romance goes to die.
Do you guarantee conversions?+
We guarantee neither conversions nor timing. The entire audience might remember your brand and still have absolutely no need for your B2B SaaS.
Is any of this real?+
The website is real. The business is satire. The checkout is pretend. No money is collected, no booking is made, and nobody has to explain a charge to their accountant.
YOUR NEXT QUESTIONABLE GROWTH HACK
Make an
impression.
It’s a small room.
There’s still room for your brand.